All over the place

Lately I’ve been staying away from the topic of sex and relationships (because single people don’t know anything about those of course, duh!) However I follow a number of sex and relationship blogs, best one for me so far being SingleBlackMale.org mainly because they try to cover a range of topics which spark interesting and enlightening discussion in the comment section.

Now when I read these posts I do realize that they are based on personal experiences/opinions and world views, so I don’t accept them as a blueprint, however there are posts I read on there that make me want to do my hallelujah stomp strike a chord . There have been a few of them lately but I just wanted to talk about this one. If you have the time, you should read it, but if you don’t, the most profound statement in that post for me was "...much to the collective chagrin of women who consistently love unavailable men, we snap out of it and run straight to a new chick. You want to know why don’t you? It’s because men use a formula to assign value to the women in their lives and a large part of that formula is derived from how much we believe that woman values herself."

I don’t think I can properly address my thoughts on that statement without rambling incoherently for the next 2000 words, but I’d really like to know what you think of it. This weekend I had a mini-reunion with a bunch of old secondary school mates, girls I hadn’t seen in almost 10yrs and while we were catching up one of them mentioned how her ex-boyfriend of 4yrs or so ended up married 6months after they broke up. I mean i know how much it takes for me to get over situationships that only lasted a yr, so if this happened to me i can't promise you that I wouldn't be typing this post from prison a psych ward.

Back to the post i reffered to above, i found this comment in the comment section "I always found it interesting when different women in my life felt they could "fix" me. There was nothing to fix, but despite saying that they kept trying anyway. No matter if he's a good guy or a deadbeat, if a man does not want to - or is not willing to - settle down there's no amount of talking, wooing, pleading, or sexing that you can do to change that."

There's this saying i heard a long time ago that is one of my relationship mantras i live by. I'll just paraphrase "Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers"

I'm one of those people who believe that human beigns do not change much during their life span. People are who they are, both male and female. However i somehow feel like women are more maleable. Par example, i'm chronically currently single and i live alone, therefore i do not cook. I'm so lazy that I'd rather go hungry than take myself to the kitchen to prepare a proper meal. But trust and believe that when i had a boyfriend in uni i was that girl that would cook ogbono, make eba, arrange it inside warmer and carry it to her boyfriends hostel.

In my own experience, men on the other hand tend to carry on as usual whether they are single or in a relationship, therefore if i see a trait that i know i cant live with, i keep it moving (hence the chronic singility).

So this message is for any of my dear sisters out there in the world, dreaming of changing some nwoke that is not wearing nappy ........... #giveup #stopit #youwilldiefornothing

In other Mizchif news i took the weekend off. As in i chose to ignore the many issues going on in my life and just have fun. I attended a secondary school mini reunion. I saw girls i haven't seen in almost 10yrs. It was a jolly old time, catching up and such. It's kinda surreal though, the memories i have of these people involve wearing different colours of housewear and serving punishment or sitting in class for prep but now they're talking about husbands and children. Such adult stuff. Where did the time go?

Also another one of us who had gotten married not too long ago had a rather brief courtship, brief like she and her husband met and were married within 6months – 1yr. I remember discussing it with one our mutual friends around the time of the wedding and I expressed the opinion that I thought it was a little too hurried, because there is only so much you can learn about a person within the space of a year. However I got to actually meet the couple this weekend and watching them interact I could feel that they were happy together. I mean I didn’t feel like there was electricity in the air when they looked at each other but they just seemed so comfortable with it other and it was beautiful to watch.

So this got me thinking.

Who or what dictates how long is long enough to get to know someone?

How about people who date for 9yrs and then divorce after being married for 18months?

Can you ever fully know everything about anyone?

What really counts when making the descicion on who you want to spend the rest of your life with. So many questions.

I also attended a couple of parties and i'll just say that if you invite me to party with West Indians or Nigerians and i had to choose, i'd choose the West Indians twice over. Nigerian parties are only good for people watching/showing off. Also am i the only one that isn't into meeting guys at the club? I mean i have nothing against it, but i really didn't leave my house to come to the club and be shouting over the music to be heard, so if you're not going to shut up and buy me a drank dance, kindly get to stepping. Thanks.

I did get to meet some really cool folks as this weekend, and dare I say that my social skills have greatly improved, like i'm almost friendly even.

Unfortunately i am not an ostrich, so i can't bury my head in the sand. I have now returned to my real life and it's little issues, for which i am actually grateful. Everytime you think you have it bad, there's someone out there who has it a million times worse.

Don't you just love how this post is all over the place? That should give you an idea where my mind is at right now.Please feel free to leave a comment. Tenks.

P.S: Blogger is acting a fool right now so this post might appear multiple times in ya reader. My apologies.