An Idle Mind

Hey peoples,

How is everyone doing? It's a holiday weekend for some people in some parts of the world. For my yankee people it's Thanksgiving (turkey) weekend, for my Naija people its Sallah/ Eid (juicy fried ram meat) weekend. For me it's just another day, another regular day in the life of a student doctor, but stil i thank God for everything.

I think it was last weeks Verastic show that had the topic of virtual dating, i wasn't able to catch the show live, so i can't really remember what was said, but i'll just state what i USED to think about the matter.

I USED to think it was wierd/stupid/crazy to even think that you could be in a relationship with someone you met online. Like seriously how does that even work? You've never met someone physically, you guys probably exchange emails and chat, and next thing you're talking about having feelings. Seriously??? Does that sound sensible? 

Of course, life in itself is one huge irony, and now i have certainly changed my opinion on the matter. Who wants to guess why?

LOL. Loooooooooolllllllllll. Ok i had to add that one for Shona.

Yes of course this story has to do with Man, did you expect any less from me ehn?

A little while ago, i met this guy randomly during one of my various online activities, i won't say which ;-)  ( i really do live in cyberspace more these days tho) 

Can't even remember how exactly we got talking, i think i asked for advice on some computer related matter and he helped me figure it out, then we started g-chatting, then BBMing almost every other day. General talk, nothing specific, anything from school to work to the weather. Added each other on fb, so now we had an idea of what the other person looked like.  Then we agreed to "meet" via skype. The whole getting to know you process just continued and accelerated, nights of hour long conversations while sitting on my bed in pjs and hair net. He is really sweet tho, says the most flattering things, which i actually found suspicious at first, but hey, who doesn't like hearing nice things about herself? No be me abeg.

Now i spend my days looking foward to my nights when i can sit in front of my computer and smile and blush like a 16yr old and be happy. I know it's crazy, but i am really liking this individual ( he calls himself my skype husband) We have wonderful conversation and he just generally makes me happy and it's wierd because this is someone i have never met in person and may or may not ever meet physically, but...........

I get so little sleep these days because i still have to study in addition to my skype addiction, but somehow i don't mind. I am always very reluctant to end the call and go to sleep, and last night he was even more reluctant than myself to end the call, so we did something different, i left my webcam on for him to watch me sleep. Ok i feel silly typing this even, like really silly, but when i woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was him smiling at me from my computer screen, i couldn't help the huge grin than spread across my face and hasn't left all day. 

I have actually been a little emotionally low lately, nothing i want to go into in this post, and yea i definitely need a distraction and this if that's what this is then i'm grateful for him. Plus i love the attention too. Unfortunately i am acting like someone that has a new boyfriend. Maybe i need psychiatric evaluation. hehehehehe. Ok i don't want any cure for this crase for now.

So yea, now i am definitely of a different  mind set. With all the technological advancement in this day and age, it is possible to get close enough to someone in the virtual world to develop feelings for the person. I do hope he never reads this tho, cuz i'm gushing too much on this post.

Oh and for those who do not tune ito the verastic radio shows on saturday, you are on a long thing mehn. That show is the bizness. Shoutout to all my CRAZY chatroom peeps and to Vera for being a good hostess and giving me somethng to look foward to on saturdays.

Oh he just BBMed me.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

P.s I LOVE SKYPE :-)

P.P.S - I am still SINGLE oh!!!

I will start by apologising for my lack of updates lately. I've been mad busy, the life of a med student. It's crazy sometimes, but i'm here and i'm godd, i'm happy. I just took a brief break from my books to pay my blog a visit, and i saw Nice Anon's comment asking me to update, so y'all have her to blame/thank for this update. Well, it's not exactly an update, it's just a random jumble of thoughts, so here goes:

I don't like twitter. Yes, you heard me right. Why don't i like twitter? Well, it's because i think it's stealing too many bloggers. Lately so many bloggers have closed shop, Temite, Rayo, ShonaVixen, Charizard maybe Woomie even and a part of me blames twitter for their abscence from blogville. At the same time another part of me is also happy that at least they didn't drop off the virtual planet completely. Another part of me is also happy to put faces to most of the personas on blogville, twitter be bringing people out of the closet like everyday.

Ok, maybe i don't really not like twitter cuz, you see, the thing is, i am kinda like a twaddict myself, but 140 characters doesn't just cut it sometimes, plus all the love i get here is so much more. So yea, blogging first (however sporadic at the moment)

I'm currently rotating on the maternity ward, so i have to attend to pregnant women and watch deliveries, and c-sections and you know what.........my fear of pregnancy and child birth has definitely increased. So has my respect for mothers, as in seriously, it is not beans, there are so many complications involved, some that can not be predicted and some with really bad outcomes, i can now imagine how mothers feel when their children grow up and start to misbehave. So thank you mymmy!!!!

Also i have noticed that there are way too many pregnant teens. Chukwu Nna! I see 16 and 17yr old pts in labour almost everyday and i won't lie sometimes i feel like telling them NTOO! 

Yes, i know i am not nice, but i mean, ahn ahn. Ok on the real, i guess it just goes to show that something is wrong, a lot of parents are not stepping up and playing a role. The 16yr old i had today said she lives with her aunt, and her mum lives elsewhere with her boyfriend, can you imagine? And most of these girls have never heard of contraceptives before, so clearly sex education is highly lacking. It is worrisome, at least to me. Children having children, they have nothing to teach these children, end up leaving them with grandparents who may not be strong enough to instill the neccessary discipline,  and thus a vicious cycle is formed. 

I miss my friends. I officially have no physically present friends. All my friends are miles and miles away, the only calls i make are international calls and they are eating a hole in my pocket. The one friend i thought i had is pussy whipped and his dumb ass chic feels threatened by me, so there goes that friendship.

I am officially a crackberry addict. Hi my name is Mizchif and i am a crackberry addict, I now ignore my darling Nokia. ALL my colleagues complain daily that i am buried in my BB, but hey that's where i have a life, seeing as the only things i do in real life involve school.

Advance announcement, i HATE everyone travelling to naij this christmas, yes i HATE all of you, because i am going to be stuck here!!! HATE, HATE, HATE!!!

I seriously need a sugar daddy. My father needs assistance. You see if i had a sugar daddy, all i'd have to do is pout and sew my legs very tightly shut and he would cough up a ticket to wherever i please! Plus there are so many things a girl could do with money now mehn, so yea, if you know any RICH sugar daddies, please direct them this way biko.

Me and naija music these days, once i hear a line of igbo in the song, that is all, it is MY song. Lately some of my songs are Ibu onye by Morachi, Ada Owerri by Bracket Nwa baby By Flavour and even Okpomekwe by Desperate chicks #dontjudgeme!!!

I love my sister. I truly, madly, deeply do and i miss her. She's a big girl now,  away from the house for camp, where she has a crying episode every 2days or so. lol, i wish i were there to laugh at her properly, but i miss her. The girl can like to talk my ear off sha.

And i don't know how i missed the fact that Kookie came back. Sorry i can't paste the link here now, but she moved to wordpress. Good to have you back girl. Oh and Madam Tintin too, tho she has just been doing some kain brief posts.

Too many things going on in my mind you see. And this was supposed to brief.

Ok, the books are a-calling........

I loves, loves, loves you all.

Okay, i really have no buisness being on the internet at all, but i just had to do this.

So yesterday while i was studying (on facebook) i came across a picture of a girl. Normal abi.

In this picture, said girl was having a drink. Normal okwaya? Ok

Said girl was holding a glass of what looked like wine in her hand and.........there was a straw extending from her mouth to the glass, i.e

she was sipping wine,

from a glass,

with a straw.

Is it just me or is something very not right with that picture, like seriously, who uses a straw and a glass together and then for wine again. Me i don't understand oh. And from the look on her face, you could tell she thought she was the ish mehn. I taya. Again as i was doing more studying, i came across pictures from Face Off Abuja. 

Face Off is a basket ball game, ok a "celebrity" basketball game, but sha sha sha it is basketball played by people whose names might ring a bell if you heard them. 

I was looking at pictures of people in the crowd and i couldn't help but shake my head. Please tell me, when did dinner/prom dresses/club outfits and hooker heels become courtside attire biko?

As in you should see these babes kakked up to the teeth. If you wear a tank and jeans and then heels, it is still pardonable and understandable, but mini dress kwa, to sit down and watch basketball? Me i don't understand oh. But hey, maybe some of them aspire to be Tuface's next baby mama, or maybe become Mrs Capable, or just distract the players on the court sha, because me i can't think of a better explanation.

I also blame those soft sell magazines and THISDAY style to some extent because it has become some peoples lifetime achievement award to appear on those pages, and since they never know where the camera men might be, i guess they just prefer to always be prepared.

In my opinion, there is something like dressing to fit the occassion, but clearly my Nigerian people have choosen to instead wear all their clothing and accessories at the same time, no matter the occassion. 

People need to chill abeg.

P.s please is there anyone particular person that can be held responsible for starting the fad of wearing shades indoors/at night/in the club/ I need to give the person a "konk"

My last post was about about the post-mortem/autopsy i was part of on Tuesday. I just wanted to put it down while it was still fresh in my memory, hence the somewhat shoddy writting. If it sounded cold, all i can say is that's how it really was.

I've spent 3weeks in the pathology department and i really hoped that i would get to witness an autopsy, and you know autopsies are only carried out on dead people, so........... Don't gimme that look. I didn't go out and kill anybody, but my wish was granted as we recieved not one, but THREE corpses. I was looking foward to it, but at the same time i was a little apprehensive, i didn't want to embarass myself by throwing up.

Got to the mortuary early on Tuesday morning. The first body was a 45yr old rastafarian fisherman who came back from a fishing trip and complained of a "bad feeling" and then slumped and died suddenly. Sad thing was he looked so healthy, like all his organs in good condition, almost zero body fat, i was in awe.

The other 2 were sadder.

First was a 75yr old man. Cause of death was hemorrhagic shock as a result of the deep machete wound on the side of his head. Story is that he was attacked on his premises by a suspected mental patient/druggie. I can't lie, it looked really horrible. 

The mortuary at the hospital is in pretty bad shape as in the a/c was not working, there was a leak, so there was water on the floor and the smell was starting to get overpowering and the doctor let us off, so i didn't stay for the last one.

The last one was also a victim of the same machete, wielded by the same guy who killed the 75yrold man.

Those two i witnessed were fascinating for me though. Truth is i have always haboured a secret love for forensic pathology. I find that i am better able to deal with people who are already dead, than people who are going to die. Like seeing someone alive today then seeing the same person dead, really really gets me, but meeting a lifeless corpse is just easier for me. I know some of you are about to say i'm cold, but tis just the truth.

I still like the idea of forensic pathology, but i have learnt that it is not all NCIS/CSI and co make it out to be. It  is cool , till you get to the part where you have to study slides under the microscope and trying to make sense of pink and purple cell structures.

Somethings came to me during the autopsy.

If you are sold meat from a human body, trust me you would not know the difference. Basically humans and animals are really the same on the inside.

I had one of those God is wonderful moments looking at that mans insides. Looking at those organs, knowing how they work just reminded me of how truly awesome God is, how wonderful his creations (US) are and how truly amazingly cool God is.

The other thing was the absoluteness that is death.

See the first guy was a rastafarian. These people are  like the strictest vegetarians, eat healthy and all that. This guy had just woken up that morning as usual, gone fishing, came home not feeling to good, and that was it, THE END.

The next guy, was a 75yr old estate surveyor, sitting in his yard wearing his hat and boots, when a random crazy dude literally cut his life off. THE END.

My point is none of these people neccessarily did anything to put themselves at risk, but when death came, they couldn't avoid it. Fact is death WILL come, MUST come, one day, any day. I guess our role is to live well, while we have life because we really never know when it will be taken away.

I will now return to my scheduled friday night programming: watching Ugly Betty & Family Guy while doing my nails.

Have a lovely weekend  all.

My eyes fell on him immediately I stepped through the door. He lay there on the table naked as the day he was born.
His dreads fanned out around his head, kinda like a black, tangly halo if I may. His face though covered by a scraggly beard looked peaceful and his half closed eyes held no emotion.
The first incision had already been made on his chest, but it did little to detract from the magnificient specimen that was his torso. His dark brown skin was stretched tightly over taut muscle. Well sculpted deltoids, he looked like he had not an ounce of fat in his body.

THE MAN cut through his sternum using a saw, like you might cut through wood. I heard the sound of cracking bone as THE MAN separated the sawed of sternum from the rest of his rib cage, exposing his chest /abdominal cavity.
By this time the room was filled witht the smell of fresh meat/blood, like you would expect in an abbatoir.
THE MAN put his hand into the exposed space and a few cuts later his hand came up with all his internal organs, which he then placed on the table, leaving HIS chest/abdominal cavity looking like a basin of dark red blood. Using a cup, THE MAN scooped some of this blood and poured it out onto the table and I could see grains of rice, possibly from the last meal HE had eaten.

Now it was time for the pathologist to examine the organs. He took them apart one after the other, heart, lungs, liver, spleen, kidney, examining each one closely and taking samples for histopathological examination later, and also allowing for the policemen to take pictures. After he’d taken his samples, the pathologist placed all the organs back into the body in no particular order, after which it was time for THE MAN to stitch HIM back up, and stitch he did. No fancy surgical stitches though, just plain, simple sewing and it was time to take HIM off the table and back into the body bag.



I first noticed John when he was unzipped for identification.
He still had his hat on, so I couldn’t see his face, but I noticed the pale and mottled look of his skin.
Soon it was his turn on the table. His clothes were cut off and he soon lay exposed. The policemen took their pictures while the rest of us looked on. Initially I was standing on John’s left side, but I moved to his right side to get a closer view.
As I moved closer to his head, I noticed the wound. It was a huge laceration on the right side of his head, which had taken out his right eye and divided his ear in two. It looked pretty gruesome.
THE MAN had to peel the layers of John’s scalp and splay the skin of his face, before he took his trusty saw to John’s cranium, neatly sawing it in two. I have to admit that I was mildy fascinated to see the brain matter, all sulci and gyri. I haven’t seen many brains and it’s been a while since I saw one.
The pathologist took out John’s brain and held it in his hand for the policemen to take more photos.
After a brief examination, he replaced the brain into the cranial cavity, in readiness for sewing up by THE MAN.

I will be the first to admit that i have been slacking off on updating my blog. There are several reasons responsible for this, but i will not bore you with all of them right now. I just expect you to forgive me anyway.

Good.

I've been meaning to do this post since forever, but somehow i haven't managed to get around to it, partly because i have too much to say, so expect this to be very long. 


I expect by now if you are a citizen of facebook, you must have seen a certain video confession of a certain Nigerian girl who killed her mother. Well, if you have been living under a rock (that's the only way you wouldn't have heard this story) I will attempt to do a summary of the story and also post a link.

Daughter kills mother

I first heard about this story from a friend of mine in Nigeria, who happens to know the girl in question. She lived around him in surulere (i used to live there as well)

So she came into the bar where he and his friends used to hang out and started buying drinks for everyone at the bar, unfortunately for him, he wasn't present on that occassion and she didn't even state what she was celebrating. Naturally he didn't like that he had missed a free round of beer, but it was not until later that the katakata burst.

When he told me the story, i didn't think about it too much, until Linda Ikeji reported it on her own blog, and then 234NEXT also ran a story on the girl.

26yr old Olubukola Adefisayo confessed to bludgeoning her 62 yr old mother to death with a hammer.

According to her recorded confession, she claimed her mum was a witch and killed her sister and was also sleeping with the houseboy. She claimed to have confronted her mother and then when she denied it, she grabbed the hammer and just kept hitting her till she passed out. Bukky also said she was high on cocaine. In some reports she even claims that her mother introduced her to cocaine.

She also said that her mother was not giving her enough money.

From reading different reports and comments on this story, i have learnt quite a bit about Bukky.

She attended secondary school at Bells in Otta and some of her school mates say she was a nice girl who sometimes had issues controlling her temper. A friend of hers said Bukky loved her mother dearly and she was the centre of her world. She went on to school in Oklahoma university. In America, she was even a member of the choir at her church and some people describe her as a very nice young lady. Some other people claim that she slept around way too much and even had a boyfriend who abused her and she also had two children who were taken away by child care services

Oh and guess what, she was also a suspect in a case of attempted murder while she was in the states. She also claims that she was abused by her uncle at a very young age. Someone added that her grandmother was also a "witch"

Please if you have the time, read through the 234NEXT article and the comments too.

See i don't know why i feel so involved with this case, but i am. 

Maybe it's because she lived in Surulere and for all i know we might have attended the same primary school.

Maybe because she is a young girl like me.

Maybe it's because i have a better understanding of mental health issues.

Clearly, Bukky is a very troubled young girl, with a CLEAR case of BIPOLAR DISORDER with PSYCHOTIC features. Bukky is clearly ill and i am very sure she had displayed signs of this much earlier in her life and it is unfortunate that it had to take the death of her mother at her hands for this to come to light. If Bukky had gotten help earlier, her mother wouldn't have had to die. 

Inspite of all the education some of us have been exposed to, i am sometimes shocked and amazed at the levels of ignorance exhibited by some people. In the comments section, most people called Bukky a witch who deserved to die or to go for deliverance and be "saved" Someone even went as far as saying a psychiatric evaluation was pointless.

Part of our problem is this attempt at being over religious. It is clear that there is a problem, a potentially manageable problem, instead of seeking medical solution, people start to run from one spiritual house to the other, seeking help that God has already provided via medical personnel.

Also, our culture of shame and living in fear of what people would say is another factor. Her family may have been aware that something was not quite right with Bukky, but instead of getting her help, might have chosen to ignore it in order to keep tongues from wagging.

There's also plain old ignorance. As much as i don't like to admit it, we have a very large population of ignorant dumb people in Nigeria my country, as evidenced by the comments at 234NEXT.

Maybe it's because i have completed my psychiatry posting that has made mental illness more real to me. In Nigeria, there is so much stigma attatched to mental illness. People would rather explain it away as a "spiritual attack" or "enemies". And this is really not the case.

Sometimes mental illness is genetic. The claims that Bukkys grandmother was a "witch" probably meant she was also acting wierd/psychotic. That already is positive family history and is a strong diagnostic criterion. 

Mental illness may also be trigerred by drug use. Bukky freely admitted to using drugs. Mind you she is in Nigeria, so yes, cocaine is available in Nigeria. Some people might say she picked up this habit while in the states, which is totally possible, but not neccessarily true. I do not neccessarily belive what she said about her mother introducing her to drugs, because from my experience with psych patients, they do tell a lot of "tall tales".

Also, studies have shown that abused children are at a higher risk of developing psychiatric illnesses in adulthood. Bukky may have been abused by her uncle like she said, and probably didn't know what to do, or maybe was even dismissed if or when she tried to speak out. As much awareness as is being made about sexual abuse, some people still don't get it. A commenter actually said she must have been lying about sexual molestation because "no man would be having sex with a baby when there are prostitutes everywhere. Maybe things like that happen abroad, but at least not in Nigeria" (that ignorance i've been talking about)

Some parties opined that Bukky is just a cold hearted killer who is using "american psychology" as an excuse for the cold hearted murder of her own mother. I have nothing to say to these people.

If i decide to go into every single issue raised by this one story, this post would never end, so i'll just conclude.

Mental illness is real.

Mental illness is like any other illness and can be managed. 

Mental illness is not only for "oyibo" people as we like to think. In England i had at least 3 Nigerian mentally ill patients (this was in only one hospital)

Pay attention. Please pay attention. You don't have to be a parent. You could be a niece, sister, friend, cousin, whatever, but just pay attention. There are usually signs. 

Sexual abuse is HIGHLY PREVALENT in our society and is a huge precipitating factor in mental illness.

DRUGS are readily available in Nigeria. Addiction is deadly. Again i say pay attention. Even recreational drugs (e.g weed, skunk, hash) have been know to set off psychotic episodes and cause major damage, please find other ways to be happy.

Parents, get involved. Know your children. Don't drive them away. I can't stress this one enough. just by any means neccessary STAY INOLVED. Your children should feel secure enough to come to you about ANYTHING knowing you would believe them. Pay attention. There are always signs.

I haven't written up this post to absolve Bukky or exonerate her. I just really hope she gets the help she need even though i am not positive that would happen.

You know i still luv you. Yes, all 5 0r 10 of you that still bother to read this blog.

Have a productive week everyone.

You know sometimes things happen and you feel like it's the end of the world. You feel like your life is over and can not be salvaged. But then you do not see the bigger picture or what plans God has in store for you (cuz we humans are short sighted like that)


I had one such event 3yrs ago. September 2006. I recieved the result of a very important exam. Surprise, surprise, i failed. I did study for that exam. Maybe i could've studied harder, done better, but i failed.
I remember going to school to check my result and the intense despair i felt. I was scared to go home. I felt like i had disappointed my parents and myself too. I don't think i felt suicidal, but i sure as hell was depressed. I eventually had to go home and face my parents and decide what next.

I spent many days and nights in tears, i was inconsolable.

I finally had to change course to a related field, much against my will, but i did it, i was just grateful my parents were still willing to pay my exhorbitant school fees and anything was better than staying at home.

I joined a class with people 3years my junior. I felt out of place, but i had to face it head on. I didn't like my course, so i can't say i was very serious either. I felt stifled, i wanted out. When talks about going to school abroad came up, i would dismiss the thought, thinking my parents would not be able to bear such a financial burden. Finally, I tentatively made the suggestion and my parents ran with it. And that's how i am where i am now.


I'm not going to say that i am in the best of schools right now, cuz i'm not, but when i remember where i came from, i am eternally grateful. I have my days when i complain and bitch and moan, but i really am thankful for the opportunity i have now.


Sometimes when i see pictures of my friends in naij, i feel like i'm missing out, but when i choose to be sincere, i know that leaving was the best for me. I know that if i were still home, hmmmmm, my own groove no go get part two.

I just got a call from one of my darling, dear sweethearts, the call inspired this post. She was lamenting as usual, she has been in school since 2003 and still doesn't know her expected year of graduation. If i had passed that exam, this would have been my story as well. It is sad that situations like this still exist in Nigeria, even in the so called private institutions. Students just pay endless school fees for years and years and yet do not recieve proper training. There is no motivation whatsoever to study, teachers can not administer tests regularly. Even when they do, they do it for students to pay them to pass.


I have plenty to say, but i will save all of it for another post, another day.

I guess i just wanted to say, sometimes when seemingly terrible things happen, sometimes, it really is for the best. And whatever situation you happen to find yourself in, be thankful to God, because someone out there has it even worse.


Have a very wonderful week guys.