An Idle Mind

Okay, i really have no buisness being on the internet at all, but i just had to do this.

So yesterday while i was studying (on facebook) i came across a picture of a girl. Normal abi.

In this picture, said girl was having a drink. Normal okwaya? Ok

Said girl was holding a glass of what looked like wine in her hand and.........there was a straw extending from her mouth to the glass, i.e

she was sipping wine,

from a glass,

with a straw.

Is it just me or is something very not right with that picture, like seriously, who uses a straw and a glass together and then for wine again. Me i don't understand oh. And from the look on her face, you could tell she thought she was the ish mehn. I taya. Again as i was doing more studying, i came across pictures from Face Off Abuja. 

Face Off is a basket ball game, ok a "celebrity" basketball game, but sha sha sha it is basketball played by people whose names might ring a bell if you heard them. 

I was looking at pictures of people in the crowd and i couldn't help but shake my head. Please tell me, when did dinner/prom dresses/club outfits and hooker heels become courtside attire biko?

As in you should see these babes kakked up to the teeth. If you wear a tank and jeans and then heels, it is still pardonable and understandable, but mini dress kwa, to sit down and watch basketball? Me i don't understand oh. But hey, maybe some of them aspire to be Tuface's next baby mama, or maybe become Mrs Capable, or just distract the players on the court sha, because me i can't think of a better explanation.

I also blame those soft sell magazines and THISDAY style to some extent because it has become some peoples lifetime achievement award to appear on those pages, and since they never know where the camera men might be, i guess they just prefer to always be prepared.

In my opinion, there is something like dressing to fit the occassion, but clearly my Nigerian people have choosen to instead wear all their clothing and accessories at the same time, no matter the occassion. 

People need to chill abeg.

P.s please is there anyone particular person that can be held responsible for starting the fad of wearing shades indoors/at night/in the club/ I need to give the person a "konk"

My last post was about about the post-mortem/autopsy i was part of on Tuesday. I just wanted to put it down while it was still fresh in my memory, hence the somewhat shoddy writting. If it sounded cold, all i can say is that's how it really was.

I've spent 3weeks in the pathology department and i really hoped that i would get to witness an autopsy, and you know autopsies are only carried out on dead people, so........... Don't gimme that look. I didn't go out and kill anybody, but my wish was granted as we recieved not one, but THREE corpses. I was looking foward to it, but at the same time i was a little apprehensive, i didn't want to embarass myself by throwing up.

Got to the mortuary early on Tuesday morning. The first body was a 45yr old rastafarian fisherman who came back from a fishing trip and complained of a "bad feeling" and then slumped and died suddenly. Sad thing was he looked so healthy, like all his organs in good condition, almost zero body fat, i was in awe.

The other 2 were sadder.

First was a 75yr old man. Cause of death was hemorrhagic shock as a result of the deep machete wound on the side of his head. Story is that he was attacked on his premises by a suspected mental patient/druggie. I can't lie, it looked really horrible. 

The mortuary at the hospital is in pretty bad shape as in the a/c was not working, there was a leak, so there was water on the floor and the smell was starting to get overpowering and the doctor let us off, so i didn't stay for the last one.

The last one was also a victim of the same machete, wielded by the same guy who killed the 75yrold man.

Those two i witnessed were fascinating for me though. Truth is i have always haboured a secret love for forensic pathology. I find that i am better able to deal with people who are already dead, than people who are going to die. Like seeing someone alive today then seeing the same person dead, really really gets me, but meeting a lifeless corpse is just easier for me. I know some of you are about to say i'm cold, but tis just the truth.

I still like the idea of forensic pathology, but i have learnt that it is not all NCIS/CSI and co make it out to be. It  is cool , till you get to the part where you have to study slides under the microscope and trying to make sense of pink and purple cell structures.

Somethings came to me during the autopsy.

If you are sold meat from a human body, trust me you would not know the difference. Basically humans and animals are really the same on the inside.

I had one of those God is wonderful moments looking at that mans insides. Looking at those organs, knowing how they work just reminded me of how truly awesome God is, how wonderful his creations (US) are and how truly amazingly cool God is.

The other thing was the absoluteness that is death.

See the first guy was a rastafarian. These people are  like the strictest vegetarians, eat healthy and all that. This guy had just woken up that morning as usual, gone fishing, came home not feeling to good, and that was it, THE END.

The next guy, was a 75yr old estate surveyor, sitting in his yard wearing his hat and boots, when a random crazy dude literally cut his life off. THE END.

My point is none of these people neccessarily did anything to put themselves at risk, but when death came, they couldn't avoid it. Fact is death WILL come, MUST come, one day, any day. I guess our role is to live well, while we have life because we really never know when it will be taken away.

I will now return to my scheduled friday night programming: watching Ugly Betty & Family Guy while doing my nails.

Have a lovely weekend  all.

My eyes fell on him immediately I stepped through the door. He lay there on the table naked as the day he was born.
His dreads fanned out around his head, kinda like a black, tangly halo if I may. His face though covered by a scraggly beard looked peaceful and his half closed eyes held no emotion.
The first incision had already been made on his chest, but it did little to detract from the magnificient specimen that was his torso. His dark brown skin was stretched tightly over taut muscle. Well sculpted deltoids, he looked like he had not an ounce of fat in his body.

THE MAN cut through his sternum using a saw, like you might cut through wood. I heard the sound of cracking bone as THE MAN separated the sawed of sternum from the rest of his rib cage, exposing his chest /abdominal cavity.
By this time the room was filled witht the smell of fresh meat/blood, like you would expect in an abbatoir.
THE MAN put his hand into the exposed space and a few cuts later his hand came up with all his internal organs, which he then placed on the table, leaving HIS chest/abdominal cavity looking like a basin of dark red blood. Using a cup, THE MAN scooped some of this blood and poured it out onto the table and I could see grains of rice, possibly from the last meal HE had eaten.

Now it was time for the pathologist to examine the organs. He took them apart one after the other, heart, lungs, liver, spleen, kidney, examining each one closely and taking samples for histopathological examination later, and also allowing for the policemen to take pictures. After he’d taken his samples, the pathologist placed all the organs back into the body in no particular order, after which it was time for THE MAN to stitch HIM back up, and stitch he did. No fancy surgical stitches though, just plain, simple sewing and it was time to take HIM off the table and back into the body bag.



I first noticed John when he was unzipped for identification.
He still had his hat on, so I couldn’t see his face, but I noticed the pale and mottled look of his skin.
Soon it was his turn on the table. His clothes were cut off and he soon lay exposed. The policemen took their pictures while the rest of us looked on. Initially I was standing on John’s left side, but I moved to his right side to get a closer view.
As I moved closer to his head, I noticed the wound. It was a huge laceration on the right side of his head, which had taken out his right eye and divided his ear in two. It looked pretty gruesome.
THE MAN had to peel the layers of John’s scalp and splay the skin of his face, before he took his trusty saw to John’s cranium, neatly sawing it in two. I have to admit that I was mildy fascinated to see the brain matter, all sulci and gyri. I haven’t seen many brains and it’s been a while since I saw one.
The pathologist took out John’s brain and held it in his hand for the policemen to take more photos.
After a brief examination, he replaced the brain into the cranial cavity, in readiness for sewing up by THE MAN.

I will be the first to admit that i have been slacking off on updating my blog. There are several reasons responsible for this, but i will not bore you with all of them right now. I just expect you to forgive me anyway.

Good.

I've been meaning to do this post since forever, but somehow i haven't managed to get around to it, partly because i have too much to say, so expect this to be very long. 


I expect by now if you are a citizen of facebook, you must have seen a certain video confession of a certain Nigerian girl who killed her mother. Well, if you have been living under a rock (that's the only way you wouldn't have heard this story) I will attempt to do a summary of the story and also post a link.

Daughter kills mother

I first heard about this story from a friend of mine in Nigeria, who happens to know the girl in question. She lived around him in surulere (i used to live there as well)

So she came into the bar where he and his friends used to hang out and started buying drinks for everyone at the bar, unfortunately for him, he wasn't present on that occassion and she didn't even state what she was celebrating. Naturally he didn't like that he had missed a free round of beer, but it was not until later that the katakata burst.

When he told me the story, i didn't think about it too much, until Linda Ikeji reported it on her own blog, and then 234NEXT also ran a story on the girl.

26yr old Olubukola Adefisayo confessed to bludgeoning her 62 yr old mother to death with a hammer.

According to her recorded confession, she claimed her mum was a witch and killed her sister and was also sleeping with the houseboy. She claimed to have confronted her mother and then when she denied it, she grabbed the hammer and just kept hitting her till she passed out. Bukky also said she was high on cocaine. In some reports she even claims that her mother introduced her to cocaine.

She also said that her mother was not giving her enough money.

From reading different reports and comments on this story, i have learnt quite a bit about Bukky.

She attended secondary school at Bells in Otta and some of her school mates say she was a nice girl who sometimes had issues controlling her temper. A friend of hers said Bukky loved her mother dearly and she was the centre of her world. She went on to school in Oklahoma university. In America, she was even a member of the choir at her church and some people describe her as a very nice young lady. Some other people claim that she slept around way too much and even had a boyfriend who abused her and she also had two children who were taken away by child care services

Oh and guess what, she was also a suspect in a case of attempted murder while she was in the states. She also claims that she was abused by her uncle at a very young age. Someone added that her grandmother was also a "witch"

Please if you have the time, read through the 234NEXT article and the comments too.

See i don't know why i feel so involved with this case, but i am. 

Maybe it's because she lived in Surulere and for all i know we might have attended the same primary school.

Maybe because she is a young girl like me.

Maybe it's because i have a better understanding of mental health issues.

Clearly, Bukky is a very troubled young girl, with a CLEAR case of BIPOLAR DISORDER with PSYCHOTIC features. Bukky is clearly ill and i am very sure she had displayed signs of this much earlier in her life and it is unfortunate that it had to take the death of her mother at her hands for this to come to light. If Bukky had gotten help earlier, her mother wouldn't have had to die. 

Inspite of all the education some of us have been exposed to, i am sometimes shocked and amazed at the levels of ignorance exhibited by some people. In the comments section, most people called Bukky a witch who deserved to die or to go for deliverance and be "saved" Someone even went as far as saying a psychiatric evaluation was pointless.

Part of our problem is this attempt at being over religious. It is clear that there is a problem, a potentially manageable problem, instead of seeking medical solution, people start to run from one spiritual house to the other, seeking help that God has already provided via medical personnel.

Also, our culture of shame and living in fear of what people would say is another factor. Her family may have been aware that something was not quite right with Bukky, but instead of getting her help, might have chosen to ignore it in order to keep tongues from wagging.

There's also plain old ignorance. As much as i don't like to admit it, we have a very large population of ignorant dumb people in Nigeria my country, as evidenced by the comments at 234NEXT.

Maybe it's because i have completed my psychiatry posting that has made mental illness more real to me. In Nigeria, there is so much stigma attatched to mental illness. People would rather explain it away as a "spiritual attack" or "enemies". And this is really not the case.

Sometimes mental illness is genetic. The claims that Bukkys grandmother was a "witch" probably meant she was also acting wierd/psychotic. That already is positive family history and is a strong diagnostic criterion. 

Mental illness may also be trigerred by drug use. Bukky freely admitted to using drugs. Mind you she is in Nigeria, so yes, cocaine is available in Nigeria. Some people might say she picked up this habit while in the states, which is totally possible, but not neccessarily true. I do not neccessarily belive what she said about her mother introducing her to drugs, because from my experience with psych patients, they do tell a lot of "tall tales".

Also, studies have shown that abused children are at a higher risk of developing psychiatric illnesses in adulthood. Bukky may have been abused by her uncle like she said, and probably didn't know what to do, or maybe was even dismissed if or when she tried to speak out. As much awareness as is being made about sexual abuse, some people still don't get it. A commenter actually said she must have been lying about sexual molestation because "no man would be having sex with a baby when there are prostitutes everywhere. Maybe things like that happen abroad, but at least not in Nigeria" (that ignorance i've been talking about)

Some parties opined that Bukky is just a cold hearted killer who is using "american psychology" as an excuse for the cold hearted murder of her own mother. I have nothing to say to these people.

If i decide to go into every single issue raised by this one story, this post would never end, so i'll just conclude.

Mental illness is real.

Mental illness is like any other illness and can be managed. 

Mental illness is not only for "oyibo" people as we like to think. In England i had at least 3 Nigerian mentally ill patients (this was in only one hospital)

Pay attention. Please pay attention. You don't have to be a parent. You could be a niece, sister, friend, cousin, whatever, but just pay attention. There are usually signs. 

Sexual abuse is HIGHLY PREVALENT in our society and is a huge precipitating factor in mental illness.

DRUGS are readily available in Nigeria. Addiction is deadly. Again i say pay attention. Even recreational drugs (e.g weed, skunk, hash) have been know to set off psychotic episodes and cause major damage, please find other ways to be happy.

Parents, get involved. Know your children. Don't drive them away. I can't stress this one enough. just by any means neccessary STAY INOLVED. Your children should feel secure enough to come to you about ANYTHING knowing you would believe them. Pay attention. There are always signs.

I haven't written up this post to absolve Bukky or exonerate her. I just really hope she gets the help she need even though i am not positive that would happen.

You know i still luv you. Yes, all 5 0r 10 of you that still bother to read this blog.

Have a productive week everyone.

You know sometimes things happen and you feel like it's the end of the world. You feel like your life is over and can not be salvaged. But then you do not see the bigger picture or what plans God has in store for you (cuz we humans are short sighted like that)


I had one such event 3yrs ago. September 2006. I recieved the result of a very important exam. Surprise, surprise, i failed. I did study for that exam. Maybe i could've studied harder, done better, but i failed.
I remember going to school to check my result and the intense despair i felt. I was scared to go home. I felt like i had disappointed my parents and myself too. I don't think i felt suicidal, but i sure as hell was depressed. I eventually had to go home and face my parents and decide what next.

I spent many days and nights in tears, i was inconsolable.

I finally had to change course to a related field, much against my will, but i did it, i was just grateful my parents were still willing to pay my exhorbitant school fees and anything was better than staying at home.

I joined a class with people 3years my junior. I felt out of place, but i had to face it head on. I didn't like my course, so i can't say i was very serious either. I felt stifled, i wanted out. When talks about going to school abroad came up, i would dismiss the thought, thinking my parents would not be able to bear such a financial burden. Finally, I tentatively made the suggestion and my parents ran with it. And that's how i am where i am now.


I'm not going to say that i am in the best of schools right now, cuz i'm not, but when i remember where i came from, i am eternally grateful. I have my days when i complain and bitch and moan, but i really am thankful for the opportunity i have now.


Sometimes when i see pictures of my friends in naij, i feel like i'm missing out, but when i choose to be sincere, i know that leaving was the best for me. I know that if i were still home, hmmmmm, my own groove no go get part two.

I just got a call from one of my darling, dear sweethearts, the call inspired this post. She was lamenting as usual, she has been in school since 2003 and still doesn't know her expected year of graduation. If i had passed that exam, this would have been my story as well. It is sad that situations like this still exist in Nigeria, even in the so called private institutions. Students just pay endless school fees for years and years and yet do not recieve proper training. There is no motivation whatsoever to study, teachers can not administer tests regularly. Even when they do, they do it for students to pay them to pass.


I have plenty to say, but i will save all of it for another post, another day.

I guess i just wanted to say, sometimes when seemingly terrible things happen, sometimes, it really is for the best. And whatever situation you happen to find yourself in, be thankful to God, because someone out there has it even worse.


Have a very wonderful week guys.

So, I’m back to my sunny, humble little village.
It’s been 5 months since I left can’t say I didn’t miss this place, just as the plane was about to land i was filled with so much excitement and grinning from ear to ear, but I kinda have mixed feelings about being back.

So in the time I’ve been away, I went from here to London, London to Lagos, Lagos back to London and finally, I’m back here.
This trip is definitely one of the most expensive ventures I have ever embarked on. There were many glitches, causing several flight changes which cost plenty,plenty money, but I needed it and I’m glad.

I really did need to get away for a bit, I was starting to feel stifled and unloved and even a little confused. I needed to see my people, and be reminded how precious I am, and how much my people love me.
From the little dance my mum did when she sighted me at the airport, to the tears of wonder when I saw my BIG little brothers,(they are so grown now) to the real cry when I saw my beautiful sister and then listening to my dad sing a Beyonce song while listening to my sisters ipod. I had the best time surprising my friends in Naija with all the different stunts I pulled, as none of my friends even had any idea I was coming to Naij. And I loved their reactions, from hysterical screaming to actual tears. Yes, I was reminded how loved I am, and how lucky I am to have people who love me and people I mean so much to.
While in Lagos I even got to meet some virtual friends of mine and they were all great as well.


Coming back to London was also good as I got the opportunity to reconnect with old friends. Friends who actually made out time for me and were there without condition. I was randomly running into people almost every other day, be it at the station, bus stop, market, I swear I didn’t know I knew so many people and that so many of them were in London at the same time.
I got to meet some wonderful new friends as well and had loads of laughs. I also got my shopping on, seeing as it was SALE season you know. I am a teeny little bit ashamed that I spent as much as I did. I even ran into the NEXT 2 day sale at the airport and I couldn’t help myself ( I have 2 suitcases weighing 32kg each plus hand luggage of at least 10kg, but I’m going to blame part of the weight on my heavy textbooks, which I didn’t open much anyway)

I’m finally back and the reason why I have mixed feelings is that the few friends I managed to have are not here anymore, so it’s me and solitary confinement now, and I can’t say I’m looking forward to that very much, but how I wan take do. Also just being in a different time zone makes me feel even farther from my people, now when I’m having dinner they’d be almost ready for breakfast, like now i am awake by 4am cleaning my house as my silly landlord didn't have enough sense to tidy up before my arrival, in spite of the one wk notice i gave him.

All in all, I am very thankful to God, for journey mercies and continued guidance. Okada did not jam me in Lagos, neither did I develop malaria after the merciless treatment I got from those vicious mosquitoes. In London, God kept me from all those useless dogs that some people be letting off their leashes and no yeye cyclist ran into me and (you don’t want to know how scared I am that one of these things might happen)
I am also thankful to all the people who were of so much help to me in many different big and little ways, they may never read this, but i really am grateful.
I did have a lot of fun tho, but now it’s back to boring old me, so don’t be expecting interesting jist here oh, just get ready to be hearing gory hospital jist.

P.S: Be careful what you wish for cuz you just might gerrit. I wished for warm weather and now i have blistering heat! JISSOS! Thankfully i live alone, so it's back to living in my birthday suit for me.

P.P.S: I miss my london tweeps already:(

I just had to share this jist oh, make una hear.

So yesterday, i decided to pay a visit to DEBENHAMS seeing as there was a 20% off sale and i wanted new shoozies (i'm an addict, shoot me)

So i walk round and round the store, pck up my shoes, pay, do some more browsing and finally leave.

Now i'm standing at my stop, waiting for a bus and next thing some guy walks up to me (of course you knew this jist had to involve MAN)

"Hi can i talk to you for a minute please?"

I actually thought he was one of those "save the earth" volunteer type people that like to torment other people on the strrets of london, but alas he wasn't.

So he starts of by introducing himself and goes on to say how beautiful i'm looking ( no be lie, me sef i dey trip for my reflection that day). Of course i giggle appropriately and next thing dude asks if i can cook??? Ehn, starting when? He sha made small talk, but all in all he was funny , so i just kept laughing. We exchanged numbers and he promised to call me later.

Fast foward to 4hrs later at about 10pm, i'm sitting in me bed, working on my presentation (which was killing me BTW) and my phone rings. Surprise it's him. Let's call him Dee shall we? So we get talking and dude is a real joker, so i'm laughing a lot,next thing i know the conversation goes off on a tangent. I will now try to reproduce bits of said conversation.

I've been thinking of doing this thing oh, i don't know if i should do it.

What thing?

Penis reduction surgery ehn. This thing is too big?

SILENCE

So do you like it when a guy is big?

MORE SILENCE

Answer me now, do you like it when a guy is big or just normal.

I really don't want to have this conversation. I think it's too foward.

Please don't give me all this 1976 jist, i'm being straight up with you, there's no point going around. 

**********Line gets cut off*******

*****phone rings and as i answer the call, phone beeps, i have a message. Not feeling  the urgency to read the text, i go on with the call.

Sorry about that. What's that? Did your phone just beep.

Yea, i think i have a message, i'll check it later.

Oh, you never know it might be important, go ahead and check it, i'll hold.

Never mind. Ok, i'll check it. 

***I end the call to check the message****

I opened the message and dropped my phone in shock like i'd just been scalded. I burst out in laughter a few seconds later.

I am sorely tempted to post the message i recieved, but...... but.....but , i will pass.

Anyways, Dee sent me a picture of his dick/prick/manhood/penis/member/john thomas/weener/any other name you can think of.

I laughed so hard and proceeded to share the news the best way i could at that moment.

So while i'm still laughing, my phone rings again and ignore it. He calls back and i finally take his call.

Why didn't you answer before, didn't you hear your fone?

Why did you send me a picture of your DICK???

Ah, it's a blessing from God, so, you know..... So can you handle it ( dis dude is obviously high on very, very cheap drugs)

SILENCE

I said can you handle it? (Obnoxious prick)

You know what dude, it is clear what is on your mind is sex and i'm not interested.

WHY?

Well, i'm not interested in having sex with random guys.

Me?random? God forbid, i'm not random?

If i continue, we will sleep here today, but basically this guy was dribbling shit and i was just having a laugh. I made it clear that random fucking was just not my scene, then he tries to backtrack and say stuff like yea, it doesn't have to be all about sex, blah, blah, blah, plus i can even come over to your side of the world and visit, blah, blah shit, so we can be serious. Dude even went as far as saying, don't worry when i see you i will give it you good. I will be gentle, don't worry, i know it's big, don't be scared, i won't be rough.

I just kept on repeating I'M NOT INTERESTED! The stupid Dick couldn't believe i was turning him down. So he got angry and went on about how girls never learn, How he is trying to do a good thing (when no be say i be charity case and i no say my mama no born worwor pikin) and i'm doing shakara.

He said so many stupid things, along the lines of how much i'd enjoy him, only if i play my cards right (read as if i spread my legs wide enough!). And looking at him, i know if i carry him to SELFRIDGES now and point at a Kurt GEIGER shoe (those shoes make me want to steal) and say "i want" he will just faint. So is it now Dick that is enjoyment ehn? Thank God for the inventors of rabbits and the like.

Ok, so that's the jist. Now to my questions.

What has happened to the world?

Is this the new wooing method? Unsolicited pictures of Dick?

Is it really that bad now that when two people of the oppisite sex are together, the sex should be automatic?

See, don't get me wrong. I am by no means a virgin, neither do i try to form santa, but if having some sense of decency is now seen as shakara, then let it be, my name is SHAKARA.

Haba, i'm all for a roll in the hay, but what happened to easing into it, you know, letting it happen, and not trying to force your dick down my throat 4hrs after i just met you! Whatever happened to meeting up, hanging out, doing fun stuff, then snogging, heavy making out sessions, kissing today>>>>>>hands under my shirt tomorrow>>>> no bra the next day, just generally letting the anticipation build or at least finding some form of connect. Why does it have to go from hello to chooking?

And people ask why i am single. Please, if this is the alternative, then SINGILITY is the way.

P.s, if i were in naij, i for go find the nearest river osimiri to baff, bcos i doesn't like to be attracting crase people like dis oh!